siempre adelante.

i need more time to write.

i need a home computer.

dang.

anyway --

things have been great.

life is precious.

work is progressing.

i am growing.

love. love.

yes, there still may be lingering business to attend- all in due time i suppose.

onwards and upwards.. always.

thanksgiving was great! cornucopia treats came out delish. talk of the town i dare say.

saw an amazing band perform at a little spot in hollywood with the other jess. true artists, i loved it. And, the accompanying free cd. ;)

finally caught one of the last showings of Anti-Christ- that movie was Beyond what i thought it would be. [i, still, plan to do a separate post on it.] and it was the only spot in LA that was showing it still. quite the experience- more on that later.

i just felt like i had to write. i have SO much on my mind right now. although i havent been able to get to the computer in the way i desire, i have been jotting things down here and there. that too, i will get into later. im going to the getty tomorrow. im so so so excited to be around art. im not sure if you can, but im taking a camera to snap shots which i will share with you as well. today is friday and tonight will be... well, im not too sure what tonight will be. nothing short of amazing i imagine. i love my weekends. i love that i have a job to return to once i've crammed all my dreams into two days of peace.

i wish you all love today. God- i love the rain.

always growing.

always forward.

ps. i caught the vs 2010 runway show finally.

good god those pics from my post dont do those women justice. and if that aint wrong enough for the rest of us- i was eating a brownie when i watched it.

its all good though i still love myself. haha

i cant pretend . .

. . im just a little bit strange.

electrocute - just like i am

love love love these ladies. they're just very cute and refreshing. love this jammie too. very appropriate as well.

happy friday lovers. Enjoy!

santa baby?

*eh-hem* dont mind if i do.

above images are from a dream of mine- not. [!] damn tho, i tried.

these victoria secret chica's are out of control with their hottness. i mean, damn.

luckily for you [myself included,] cbs is airing the victoria's secret annual runway special, tonight at 10pm. it'd be wise of you not to miss it. this way you can tell me what i missed AND even sneak a preview of what you will be unwrapping me in during our christmas cuddle sessions! :)

so these were just a few of my favorites with the top being the absolute HOTTEST!! dude- there arent enough exclamation points to accurately express how hot this shit is. something about see-through and skin-tight latex, no?

good god, good god, good god.

oh. and ps. apparently there is some sort of new "Angel" model search thing going on and the winner will walk in the show? idk though, i thought they already filmed the show and are just premiering tonight? thats why you should watch and get back to me yeah? thank you mucho.

xoxo.

the stranger sang a theme..

..from someone else's dream.

mono.

life in mono.

this song always reminds me of the fall.

..and with that, i bid you adieu.

xoxoxx.

i feel like falling asleep... [photo of the day.]

..but the party's just begun.

my loves!

i am leaving on holiday for the next few days to build masterpieces, break bread and make memories.

so much goodness on its way But i can assure this is all bittersweet.

as amazing new thoughts enter my head, sweet old familiar ones are making their exit. and goodbyes are always sad [which is why i tend to avoid them altogether.] Alas- we do what we must.

i hope with all of my being that you are safe, healthy and amongst loved ones and happy faces during this most precious time. take a moment during your thanksgiving meal and look around at those who surround you and thank the heavens for them. time passes too quickly and the memories you make are the prizes you take with you in life.

i am overjoyed.

what a blessed year.

thank you for being you.

xoxoxx.

heaven can wait.

beck & charlotte gainsbourg

i cant even say enough about this song/vid. loves.

always loved beck. always.

charlotte is someone i have only recently discovered within the past few years, but she is amazing- hi.

daughter to such faves as; Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birken. ultimate.

i love her body of work and i am in awe of the variety of roles she has chosen. she is certainly someone to watch. and watch. and watch.

i am an observer by nature.

btw - i have totally been meaning to do a post on one of her latest films; Anti-Christ. it looks so trippy and i will probably leave the theater scratching my head- and that is Exactly what i am looking for these days. stimulate my mind. please. suffice to say, i have not yet seen it so i cannot do an adequate review. patience.

anyway this vid is pretty nuts and only furthers my point; the weirder you are, the cooler you are.

you're so cool. you're so cool. you're so cool.

paradise awaits.

daul kim.

1989 - 2009.

she was found dead early yesterday in her paris apartment, of an apparent suicide.

so sad.

so tragic.

such a lovely face.

so much so that i used a photo of her as my photo of the day on nov. 10th.

eerily, it was entititled; ne m'oubliez pas which is french for forget me not.

trust me darling, you will not soon be forgotten.

rest now love.

some people just have all the luck.

"according to greek mythology,

humans were originally created

with four arms,

four legs,

and a head with two faces.

fearing their power,

Zeus split them into two separate parts,

condemning them to spend their lives

in search of their other halves...."

to have and to hold. xoxoxx.

if i could wear your clothes, i'd pretend i was you.

fuck, i love this outfit. things are gettin mighty tingly down there.

Head. to. Toe.

Death.

pic was shot by claudia goetzelmann, kyle [of ford models] was styled by leslie foley and this was all featured as an editorial for chaos mag entitled; Sold My Soul to Save Suburbia. cute.

idk about you, but i would sell my soul for a closet full of outfits like these. the bag is dispensable though, but she's workin it here. i am pleased.

and she is killin me with that cut. looks like it could be a wig, but that shit is some inspiration right there. i've got about two inches before i can say i got that cut. im workin on it. red, red, redder than red, ya heard?

awesomie yummie lunchie goodness

since im planning to pig the eff out next week, i thought it wise to behave myself the weeks prior. "thought" being the appropriate wording here. "acting on it" my dear, is a whole other bag of goodies.

i try. :)

so, what's in your lunch box today?

im having a pretty simple salad- your basic spring mix, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes and oh yes, avocados. cant leave those babies out [sorry jehn.] top that with a lovely parmesan asiago balsamic vinaigrette and i am all smiles. got my ezekiel 4:9 sprouted grain toast and my fave; chamomile tea. my tummy is a happy baby today.

.....and now for my mini 3 musketeers.

[i said mini. big whoop, wanna fight about it??]

ciao bella! xoxoxx.

if you want me you can watch me on your video phone.

"i'll be your gene, you be my brando. imma put you in my movie if you think that you can handle."

im really loving technological advancements such as these..

beyonce & lady gaga

video phone

and let me just say; Lady Gaga gets hotter by the minute. and true, her face is no Bardot, but she really brings it with her over-the-top outfits and the mere fact that SHE KILLS every performance. that woman deserves every bit of attention she is getting.

and you can suck it if you dont agree.

and beyonce.... my baby B, she needed a hott vid like this after the mess she's been throwin at us as of late.

hats off to you dollies.

xoxoxx.

footnote:

watch it on youtube, its kinda cut off here.

hate to say i told ya so. [photo of the day]

always wanting what you cant have.

karma's a bitch, aint it baby?

xoxoxx.

"what're u looking for?" he asks.

"Trouble." i said.

i want all of youuuuuuuuuuuuuu's! =/

Andres Sarda lingerie

MotelRocks clothing

some sexy ass stockings, no?

Chanel Ivory Handbag [can never go wrong with a classic.]

again, MotelRocks.

Erica Enberg bowtie ring.

Alexander McQueen knuckle duster clutch.

is heaven just in my mind??

whisper in your ear and get you all shook up. [photo of the day]

. . but dont blush. just keep this on the hush.

today is a 90's flashback day, yeeeeee-ah.

everything is clear in our world.

sean ono lennon and kemp muhl.

john lennon and yoko ono.

i am loving the homage sean did to his parents' iconic rolling stones cover shot by the amazing annie leibovitz, with his hottie model girlfriend kemp. it seems very relaxed and although it is not the carbon copy of the original, i like the updated version as it seems to speak volumes about the relationship of this dynamic-duo. [which i believe the former did as well.] sean's version was shot by terry richardson and was featured in the fall issue of purple magazine.

talk about life imitating art. its kinda eerie huh.

just the way i like it.

thoughts?

..until we die. and die. and die again.

my spirits are low this week. and i hate to admit that. i hate to be a slave to my emotions but being the little pisces i am, it happens. and i am human.

i need a little stimulation right now. and it'll happen. of this much i am sure.

this picture is gorgeous and i can just imagine myself in this outfit. a little style inspiration if you will. thank you Vogue China.

btw- i stumbled across Natural Born Killers last night and actually got to catch the whole thing - its been a while. i was then reminded why that movie is one of my all time faves. further, where is my vhs copy of that thing???

"you make every day feel like its kindergarten."

ne m'oublie pas.. [photo of the day]

Be my friend
Hold me

wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

sia.

scrumpets and things.

i've always said that lurking deep inside of my being lies a rotund little china man that can scarf down along side the best of 'em. God, i love to eat. y'know when you're depressed, you either eat or you starve yourself. i eat.

needless to say, my favorite holiday is none other than Thanksgiving. really, its not the eating mainly as much as it is the company of my most precious loved ones. i love my family and am blessed [so blessed] to be surrounded by the most gracious caring wonderfully creative bunch of sillies anyone would ever have the pleasure of knowing. and they're all mine. [lucky gal, i tell ya.] we all sit around the tables at my Ma's [lately the table has been growing larger and larger, which i couldnt be happier about] while stuffing our faces with some of thee most savory dishes, and we'll never let a Thanksgiving pass without letting each and every person know how much they mean to us and how they have touched us so. i think thats what i love the most. we're growing, aging, and things change on a day to day basis in life, but we always have that to go back to and look forward to. and i treasure it so.

this year [as i have said time and again] has been the best year of my life. there has been so much bullshit and self-loathing that i have overcome, i have this new outlook and am actually excited about where my life is headed. its something i have created on my own and there really has never been a feeling like it in my life. for that i am truly grateful.

i thought carefully about the dish i wanted to bring to my mom's. afterall, this is my first vegetarian Thanksgiving- so i have to make it count. fuck a salad. it needed to take on a life of its own and show my family [those little carnivores] that this isnt some fad for me, rather a separate chapter in this new book i am writing. an important one. i dont need them to become vegetarians, just want them to know that because i am not eating meat doesnt mean i am depriving myself. there are so many options out there, its really about keeping an open mind.

and i came across this

Roasted Vegetable Cornucopias with Gravy

couldnt you just die? its going to be spectacular and the pinnacle of a truly special year. im going to show them really what i am all about these days. and they are going to love it. and i cant wait.

when it rains, it pours..

i am venting.

this week is waning on me and its only fucking tuesday. however, i remain ever faithful. without my faith i havent got much. this year has been such an amazing year of growth for me and ive been so lucky to find true happiness within myself. this is just a minor bump in the road.

afterall, theres always a rainbow after the rain.

i die.

put a muthafucking ring on it.

image via C'est La Vie

love me when i least deserve it because thats when i really need it.

i dont believe chivalry is dead.

i think it all boils down to how a man was raised. i mean, its those core values. he's either got 'em or he doesnt. sure we all have our bad days, but a man is a Man. and a good man..... well, now thats just something we all love.

gentlemen- a few pointers..

if you're waiting at the lift and there happens to be a woman waiting as well, once that door opens your hand should be holding that door open for her as she enters. ahead of you. when you arrive at your floor, she is the first to leave.

im big on opening doors. why wouldnt you? it doesnt break your arm, and trust- a little gesture like that will always go over nicely with a woman. think of what she'll tell her friends. [and btw- we always tell our friends.]

im all about serving my man. i believe i have said prior, there are few joys greater than taking care of the one that takes care of you. i once went to dinner with a guy when my plate came out first. naturally, i didnt flinch [as his meal had not yet arrived] and continued in conversation. and almost as second nature to him, he grabs a spoon and starts serving me first! that shit got mad points!!

a couple weeks ago as i am leaving work, i go down to the main lobby where there are tons of business heads trying to cram into the 4 elevators heading out the building. heading into a nearly full one, i noticed a young man walking about the same pace i was and we reached the doors at the same time. the douche bolted right in front of me. irritated, i muttered; [and obviously a little louder than under my breath] Thannnnnnnnk Youuuuuuuu, in a total sarcastic bitch tone. bold little bloke he was gunning to appear as asks; Excuse me, were you talking to me? i replied; No. i was talking to the GENTLE MAN who let me enter ahead of him. but that wasnt you was it? so No. no i wasnt speaking to you.. [minus points]

trust me. a little goes a long way, and women appreciate that shit.

now im not going to get into the details and mechanics of money or who pays for whom/what. its pretty simple- if a guy asks you out, he pays. However, i have never been one to take advantage of that fact. i am not out to come up on anyone. you work for yours and thats great. i have a full-time job, a steady paycheck every two weeks, i have insurance and a 401k. i also have a killer shopping addiction, but point being- i handle my shit. on my own. i love the idea of being pampered one day, but until then it is my pleasure to show you the same respect you show me. because that is how i was raised. i didnt have too much growing up [shit, i wasnt butt ass poor either] so what would make you think i need You to take care of me when i have been doing swimmingly thus far?

back to the main point- it all boils down to how you were raised. the test of a true gentleman is how he would treat a woman who is acting less than a lady. if its the same as he would treat a woman he was interested in, that shit makes the panties drop.

peek a boo.

i have so much to tell you and so little time...

stay tuned lovers.

xoxoxx.

that deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball..

The Who['s] - TOMMY

in the know?

i remember first stumbling across this movie as a child. maybe on a day i faked sick. maybe during summer vacay. point being, this movie really did have that sort of impact on me that pretty much changed my thinking. suddenly, things i thought made sense, didnt. suddenly, there was this whole new world i never knew existed. it was powerful. i didnt know what it meant at the time, what the message was they were trying to convey, but i was intrigued and couldnt look away. so i watched the whole thing, and it turned me on. something about roger daltry's tight ass jeans called out to me and challenged my youth. he dared me to look away. i still couldnt. he knew i couldnt.

tuesday night was the first game of the season for the Lakers. watched it at Brosie's, got blunted, we beat the Clippers [as if you needed a recap on that.] once the game ended, Brosie was flippin through the channels and stumbled across none other than... my Tommy. surprising as all hell, he had never seen it. He Had Never Witnessed That Which Is Tommy. whoa. i was shocked.

then his gf Jesse comes into the room and she had the same reaction i did; "yyyyeeeeeeeeeeeah, its Tommy!" "Ohhhhhhhhhhh Yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh," i replied. and we went on to compare stories of how when we first came across this rock-u-mentary [if you would] how it made us go; hmmmmm and gave us that tickly feeling down there. she got it. she got me. another thing we had in common other than our names and love for my Brosie.

it was nearing the end, when Tommy's followers go ape-shit and start fucking everything up. then they kill his ma, and his step-dad [or whoever that dude's 'posed to be.] jess and i laughed at that fact; "this is where it starts to get really weird" we said, almost in unison. and my brother had no choice but to leave it on as we sat mesmerized, giggling like school girls at the blond-haired, blue-eyed shirtless angel in them jeans.

theres not really adequate words to describe the feeling that came next. but it was sheer bliss. i was suddenly taken back to that time, where the world held so much promise, when i liked the idea of boys but didnt know what to do with them when i'd get them, the time of being afraid of the dark, the time when my biggest worry was what to wear to summer camp. bliss, i tell you. those were some good times. there were bad times, but those times i dont really focus on unless there is something specific i am thinking. those were some good times.

and i smiled. and punched my brother for not watching that movie sooner.

do yourselves a favor and check it if you havent already. there is a star-studded cast, the score is great [personally in my opinion, rock stars dont exist these days] and fucken Tina with that booty bouncing.. and those legs. oh my, those legs. get it girl. i miss keith moon too. rock stars.

the above vid is from the scene where Tommy experiences LSD. i remember my first acid trip, and yeah- it was something like that. imagine you have tina turner's ass shakin around in your head with those tunes in the background and you'd have a smile on your face the same as Tommy did. Roger Daltry's still got it by the way.

no soup for you

i am all about doing your own thing. i dont think you have to call me everyday to consider you a good friend. we are grown, we have our own identities and lives and i love you for that. but when you fucking call me only on the occasion that you want to borrow something, i have to warn you are dangerously close to being cut. especially when you dont even take care of your own shit.

the answer is no. and my clearing your calls should have been the most important clue.

and all i have to do is think of her.

good lord, its this weather. i love this weather. dusting off my box of goodies; pulling out my granny socks and sweaters, thinking of baking on a daily. what should i bake? something cozy. something that brings a smile to your face when you think of someone you love biting into a nice warm treat. theres nothing like feeding a man, watching him devour your goodness. theres not many joys out there quite like it. or maybe im just biased. another joy of being a woman; playing house.

i stumbled across this little gem; Dark Chocolate Clusters from the ever-reliable Vegetarian Times website. HOLY! although i will be modifying this a bit [something about a raisin doesnt equate a treat to me,] these will be my motherfucking pearlllssss. [fingers crossed, lovelies.] i cant effing wait! maybe i can invite some of the girls as well. although we all know that if it aint a room full of cock, liquor and annoying bass-in-yo-face, they probably wont show. but maybe i can lure them in with some weed. and then i will play my old jazz records and we can giggle about boys and the old days sitting on the glassell park stairs wondering when we'd be "grown." sooner than we thought, was the answer to that longing enigma.

anyway, this is my favorite time of year, with Thanksgiving being my favorite holiday and fall being my favorite season. weird that i was born in February wasnt it? story of my life, always finding myself at the right place with the worst timing. i love watching the leaves die and then fall to the ground. i've often kept them locked away in a box of my most precious mementos, only to stumble across them at a later time and smile at what once was. some people save dead flowers [i do that too] but the leaves are mine especially.

It's Friday, Im In Love.

i've got my inspiration back and im chasing butterflies.

*footer: i am going to be mia wallace or margot tenenbaum next year. the gods have spoken.

give me liberty, or give me death.

..ok, well maybe fashion isn't that serious, but i LOVE it nonetheless.

it's a woman's prerogative to wear what she wants, thats the beauty in this day and age.

we are what we wear? not so true today.

fuck me, if i cant spend an entire paycheck on a pair of shoes! or a purse! i dare you to try and stop me.

it may seem completely unnecessary to you and maybe a little frivolous to do such a thing, but what'd you think i come to work everyday for? not that thats what i do on a daily, but if i saw something that jumped out at me, im not going to let a little thing like not eating for a couple weeks get in my way of finding my bliss. [maybe not that extreme, but you get me.]

those shoes. that jacket. the gloves. that mask. tres chic. im biting my fist right now ya heard.

i love being able to dress reflecting my mood of the moment.

yesterday it was a grandpa sweater, jeans and my shit-kicking boots. the day before i was feeling sweet in my earth-tones. today i am feeling the early Beatles in a plain white t-shirt under a black blazer and over some leggings. friday's, people usually dress down here in the office although a full on "jean-day" is frowned upon. for the most part on friday's i like to dress it up, keep people on their toes y'know. so we'll really have to roll the dice on that one and see what we come up with.

point is: i LOVE being a woman. sure, shit may get touchy for a week [or two, i aint fronting] every month but the pay off is well worth the uncomfortable bloat. thats why i have flowy dresses mmmmmkay?! and considering the other option, sure they may say; Men Rule The World but when i think of all the shit that comes along with running shit, i'll gladly decline. think about it; you never hear "Men and children first." no one gives a fuck about replacing the D if the other choice is a fly ass fox. sad story but a true story. so you can take you higher paychecks, and whatever other perks you may have and i will put on my sexiest lingerie under a tight ass mini-dress and strut. just because i can.

...but the waiting makes me curious.

take me here, and i am yours for life.

...still you dont regret a single day.

this song just does things to me.

UNSEXY UPDATE:

that is what happens when you dont check your homework. originally, i had posted the wrong vid. im not that obvious. and yes, i prefer this live version.

nostalgia's one helluva dreadful bitch

happy birthday to the one i will never forget.

part of you belongs to me now. i'll see you in your dreams.

i could do this with you all day.